[CLOSED/CASUAL] Learning to Talk

[lukavminaev]

(curl curl)(curl curl)

I have already been here for several days, but I never had a successful conversation with another player. Well, there is always some Landers who always willing to listen to my rambles. But to never have good converse with other player is like never chatted to ‘normal human’. You know, that feeling you got when you talk to your own kind, moreover if he or she had similar situation. (stand) Hmm, I hope there is someone I can talk to (watching the busy street of Londinium).

(Smile) If you think about it, this place is similar to the real London. It is always busy. Everyone has their own business (looking far at the empty sky). Meh, thinking about it just make me feel more and more empty. (Prone) It is like hunger. No … no, it is more than hunger. Argh, it is just like pilling up frustration. Meh, the hell I am doing, might as well just call one of them and start talking. (Stand, then walk to one of the passerby) but (stopped) I have done that, and it didn't go well.

(curl curl)(curl curl)

I hope there is someone I can talk to (wimping ears). (Curl) or maybe I have to wait until people got hit by their own boredom. Meh, might as well listening to what people talking here. Maybe I can learn something.

(curl)

Words : 232

[lukavminaev]

Just taking a stroll, not much happened, still no one to talk too. Well it not as bad as it seems, I can fill my emptiness with enjoying the scenery of London, in Elder Tale version.

Eh, I haven’t lived so long in British, and even in real world every time I walk around in the city I feel like everything is always new. Even somehow, my legs already started to memorize the routes, sometimes I found myself lost around somewhere. Surrounded by the trees you can still see everywhere, but surrounded by walls it’s as if I am in a cage. And so I am here again, in the middle of green London. Yeah, the green rather make up for the variation, but it also more confuses me. Whether to look at, whether to climb, here where everything become ruins, it is more like cave exploring.

Of course, cave don’t have anything like these. Weapon stand, armor stand, fast-food stand, newspaper HQ, guildhall, bank, it brings back the city atmosphere to this ruin. I don’t know why don’t they just clean and use the occupy the buildings. There is still some building with firm base around here. Maybe they don’t have the knowledge how to operate it, or because it is related to adventurers. Yeah, adventurers kind of special creature here. Have exceptional combat strength, can do magic, when die being revived at cathedral. If I were born as the lander, maybe I will idolize adventurers too. Well, there is also people like old man, they treat adventurers same as human, or at least not seeing too much difference between landers and adventurers. Even some of them seeing us as a kid with no much knowledge in survival ability.

(Yawn) strolling is the best. Ah, I mustn't go to far, that was perfect spot for someone lurking around when they got boredom and don’t know what else to do.

Words : 320

[lukavminaev]

“Ah, so, that is guild. Thanks’ again” (wave hand) see, I can talk normally to a lander. Then, why it is so different with player. Am I emitting some kind of bad aura that can only be seen by players? Then, that will become an addition of seven great mystery around the world. Meh, I am not that kind of weirdness.

Well, I cannot force them to accept me, just wait them if they want to open themselves. There is so many different kind of people in the world, in any world. Then there is also so many different kind of perspective. There is so many different standard of acceptable and unacceptable. To understand all of those people, you must be ready to swim in the sea of denial, and touch their heart, understand them, and express it in something they understand. But, everything can only begin with contact.

Being among so many people but no one to talk to is so frustrating. I remember in my old village, I can memorize all of their name, their face, what they like or dislike. We understand each one of us. There is still conflict, but we always find a way to talk it out. If in some strange reason we cannot accept another decision, we can always punch some sense on each other, and then laugh about it “oh, um yeah, he is that kind of person, don’t worry about it” or something like that.

That is why being denied even before doing anything is like being frustrated over something that you cannot even think about it. Just a mere frustration. That’s why I really like those boars. They are always there, answer me seriously, and after I can unleash all my frustration, they will be revived again. It almost like they are there for that very reason.

Ah, am I strolling to far again. Today I got info about guilds, it is a group of some adventurers who tied together under the guild emblem, or so I heard from some landers. Guild can rent a large room in guild hall, or buy one of unused building out here. They have association like structure like the head of guild etc. I’ve seen the list of guild, registered my name on one of them. Hope they will accept me, it will make it ease for me to find other player to cope with.

Ah, I just missed my waiting spot, today I am strolling too far again. Might as well fix my strolling route next time. (yawn)

Words : 425

[lukavminaev]

“Whoaaaahm ...”

Another day and still no one to talk to. Hmm, the air is good. It felt like I am not currently in the middle of city. I can feel the refreshing morning dew in the air. Sunlight bit by bit lifting the shadows on building’s wall. Warn for all the living being about the changing day. The air changing, gradually become warmer and warmer. (Chill) ah, it is cold, morning cold. I moved my body for a bit, trying to thicken all of my furs. The sunlight still moving slowly, like trying to push gently all the living being, so they start their morning activity.

The idle street in front of me before gradually become busy. Morning start changing into noon. People, like their button have been switched on, start moving here and there moving out to their predetermined place. Of course, that doesn’t include the adventurers, some of us still rather clueless about the situation, wander around to whatever it seems will be giving a clue. Some of them filling up the official buildings, some of them still wander around on the main street. There is also some other player, that looks like they have found their place here. Seems like they are high-leveled character. Ah, I want to ask them about many things, but it looks like they are busy in their own ‘world’. (Scratch scratch) (Whimper) hufff, everyone is always busy. (Curl curl)

The shadow of Big Ben moving slowly, like a big hour hand, start colliding to the shadow of nearest building. I am watching all those giants doing, everyday from this very corner, without giving any meaning of it, just enjoying watching it, enjoying the world changing.

Hmm? Really, how can I think all of those thing (scratch scratch) I think I bit out of my character here. Eh (smirk) cool.

The air changing again. From the warm to hot. It’s noon, it is when most of all people activities reached the top. Hot air filled with hot spirited people. People who not reached the limit of their daily selling quantity yet, people who still struggle about what their customers really means about dream house, people who struggle to not let customer’s glass empty and try to keep them satisfied. Therefore, there is also fighters like us, who sometimes not getting any quest to do, or nit currently in training. And lastly, there is me, yawning in the middle of noon, hoping to bump to someone who also felt lost, or don’t know if there is anything they can do.

(Curl) argh, noon is so hot. As hot blooded creature it felt not right to have nothing to do, or not having anything in my stomach to burn. But it also kind of warm, a nice warm. When in the middle of noon, a wind breeze travels through green leaves. It is like a nice lulaby, inviting you to rest your head under calm tree. Close your eyes and hear the sound of flowing water, hear the wind. Then close your eyes.

(Flapping ear) (peek) Hmm, still no one freed from their business (Yawn)

Words : 521

[lukavminaev]

There is always a place where everyone feel at home. For me for example, I like to spend my night on a tree. Meh, when you live in the middle of forest, spend your days there, bath with Forrest water, at certain times you’ll find mosquitoes wont bite you anymore, or at least you won’t feel anything when they do it. I like sleeping on a tree, feeling the night breeze trying to grip my thick skin, or my fur in my situation now. Here you can always see the the night stars, everywhere you see the glittering sky will always flourish your view. Make you feel like you are free, free from everything in this world, free from yourself. Keep you mind traveling among all of those stars. Here in the darkness of forest, you can finally see the sea of stars. One of those moment you can’t express it right in words. One of those moment you can lonely keep it for yourself. The true beauty of the sea of stars.

That’s why I really love sleeping outside like this. But, maybe that’s only me, eh. Some players tend to find an inn. Some even able to buy a room. Higher leveled player even can buy a room in the guild hall for them to rest. That a huge amount of money. Well, there is also a player like me who tend to find our own place where we can feel at home. Yeah home, a word that is hard to express. Is it a tree, is it an apartment, is it a slum. There must be somewhere people can feel themselves at home.
Hmm, that tree. I really want to go back to that tree. But there is no players I found out there that not busy. So I am here, waiting on a spot where people usually feel lost, or there is no other things to do. Back and forth around places to look if there is something new I can learn about this world. Well, if you cannot ask directly, might as well just sharpening your hearing if you can catch something in the busy street of Londinium.

I am walking back to my usual waiting place. Waiting if there is someone also lost his or her way in this world. But, still nothing. Maybe they are all have found their place here. Maybe I am the only one who still felt lost. Sigh, why it is so hard to converse with someone. Meh, I am not being productive if I keep go back to that question.
So, how will I spend my days while waiting them to open themselves to me. Yeah, that sounds like a positive idea. Hmm, lets see I have strolled around multiple times, but I never tried to enter newspaper HQ or the bar. Ah, but I cannot just leave my waiting spot. You won’t know if someone actually feel lost and need something to talk. Yeah, that sounds like bad idea. But it kind of make me like a counseling officer (scratch scratch). Well, as long as there is someone to talk. You won’t know what kind of talk it will be. And it is more like two way counseling rather than one way. Eh, I don’t even know what the topic to talk about, I just wanted to talk. Hmm, it sounds like my selfish request. Yeah, it is something I need. It is like food, just something I need. You just know you need it, there is no other good explanation than you just selfishly need it.

I arrived back at my waiting place, a place where I can finally feel at home. A place where I am waiting some lost souls if they want to talk.

Words : 630

[lukavminaev]

“Come on miss, I know you will free tonight” “but sir, I am sorry I can’t” “aw come on, you know I’ve watched you everyday, your smile is so beautiful” “really, sir you just said that to make me embarrassed” “naw, it’s not like that, you are truly beautiful” (her cheek redden a little) “please sir, I still have to work” “miss, please, it wont be so bad, I can can jump high, I can carry you to the sky high” “sir, I …” “higher, higher, and more higher. Until you can see all of the city under your feet. Fly with night stars. Onto the moon” “Aaaaaarrgghhh! Pleeeaseeeee stoooooop! I can’t, I can’t take it anymore. Aaaarrghh!” (she closes her redden face with both of her palm, couching behind the stand) “Ah, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to ma …” “nononononono! Please aaarrrrghh (shook her head) please just leave me alone pleasee!” “Oh okay I just say sorr …” “pleasee!” “okay then, see you later” “noooo!” meh, that was so bad. It just want to ask her a little date. You know, walking with a girl, talking some private things, doing anything fun together. Hmm, I wonder what will sis think if she saw me hitting on NPC girl. Well, it didn’t end well, (scratch scratch) I just try to copy what my pal did in the past.
Being alone for long times sometimes makes you dare to do things like that. Blind date, hitting on random girl, doing pranks. Moreover if you are not used being alone. I don’t have any ill will by the way. It is honest confession when I said her smile is so beautiful and I saw her everyday. I will be happy if she agree to go on a date with me, and I’ll make sure she will have fun time. It’s just, I am really dense on this kind of thing. I still don’t understand much if it is related to feelings, especially girl feelings. Well, I am very much understand sis, although that’s not included things she hide consciously. Also, she is very much open to me. She is so like mother. Both of them beautiful, beautiful and cute. Ah, I am bad at describing beauty. When I am at home and they are around me, I am so like ‘God, I understand, this is heaven, You can take me, I have no regret’.

The heat of sunlight gradually fading away. It is now afternoon. It is the time when some adventurers start to places for oncoming night. The streets become busy again. Busy with exhausted people who try to find a place where they can fulfill their thirst to feel at home. There is also people like us, who just stand on our place, not being pulled by the giant flow of homecoming people. People like us who find strange place to feel at home.

The wind start getting colder. Some of the are have become darker, hidden behind the shadows of ruins. The streets have become more clearer. People dissipated one by one, back to the place they feel belong. Some of the stars has shown, and it become more clearer to see as the day changing. I am enjoying the view of the red sky, where the sun slowly hides behind the horizon. As if stating that the world is too huge for a man, that can’t even reach the horizon.

And now everything become dark. Magic lights and candles start filling the town. There is not much of night attraction in the city. But you can always find some places that you can spend hours to feel entertained. There is not much people you find on the streets, some players prefer to stay indoor, some other are still hunting outside the city.

I am still at my usual place before a nice familiar voice picked me. “Umm, excuse me” Whoa, and nice dress “you are so beautiful tonight” (smile) “oh, geez” she hides her redden cheek with one hand. I bend my body a little to do formal gesture of landers, the offer my right hand for her to hold on “now, shall we go?”

Another day and still have no proper conversation with another players. Well, a little date wont hurt.

Words : 717

[lukavminaev]

(Curl) hmm, (looking around) ehehehehehe. (Curl) hmm? (lookingaround) ehehehehehe. Ah, oh yeah, today is another day where I still trapped in Elder Tale. I am waiting at my usual place, waiting if there is some players feel lost or there is nothing to do, and want to do some converse with me.

In front of me is the usual busy street of Londinium. Adventurers, Landers, this place is belong to everyone. Blacksmith, brewers, tailors, news writer, there is so many kind of profession, and all of that are just in Londinium. I wonder if the situation is different atanother place. Speaking about another place, what kind of place is there. Londinium is the only place I know since I played this game. Although, I only know very little about it, that is why I like to stroll around to see if there is place that I didn’t visit yet. I like to make little adventure, jumping thorough windows, exploring unused building, jumping thorough the roofs. With all these ruins, I have plenty places to make my adventuring route. Sometimes I just slip thorough some spaces behind unused buildings, jump to one of the opened windows, and then start running.Release my instinct. Quickly thinking of possible way out. Doors, windows, ceilings, I quickly change my direction to the most possible answer. Run thorough it, accept the drawback, and break free.

Freedom. That is what I seek through all of my adventures. Couple of seconds when your body leaps thorough air. It is like flying, it is like freedom, a space that only for you. Stopping time, enjoying freedom thorough the air, and then I landed on another building. Another challenge, trying to find another way out, and then leaps again.

Sometimes, I found myself on top of one of the ruins, sitting on the edge. Watching people busy down there. I can just sit there for hours only to do that. Like a sleeping gargoyle, sitting on an obelisk, where time moving under me. People changing, increasing, evolving, birth, dead, and I am still the same. In Elder Tale, character appearance cannot affected by time. It is as if we are walking outside time. Walking different path than normal human. Normal human? Yeah, we cannot even considered as normal human anymore. Everything bound by the game rule. The only thing left and remind us that we ever be normal human was just our memories of the past life. My memory, ah, (holding my head) it’s remind me about that place. The place I visited after my first death. It became clearer now. That experience I’ve got in my past life (grim looks). But, that doesn’t matter anymore. I have decided in that place, I have chosen to move forward. My priority is to survive, so I can reach the best conclusion, and meet sister and mother again. Filling my live here to train. So I can overcome any hardship, and continue to move forward.

There is many things I’ve learn, but there is more I haven’t learn yet. I have learn about how to battle, about how to manage hunting preparation, about how to keep on living in the world of Elder Tale. For me all of it should be enough to support my living right now, but I know there is still much more await me in the future. I should keep on fighting, learning, surviving, keep my eyes on all possibilities, understanding my surrounding, until I find it, I find it, my way to go back.

Yeah, go back (scratch scratch) such thing is impossible now. So here I am, at my usual place, watching the busy street of Londinium. Sometimes, I just randomly select a player, read all of info on his/her status panel. I can learn one thing or two from the difference I spotted. Moreover if I apply it into combat, I can somehow understand how its work. Such habit becomes my new hobby to kill the time. Well, there is also another hobby, watching all of Landers work on this street. That is how I met her, such a beautiful flower. Today she is at her usual stand, selling her merchandise to adventurers. Ah, she notices me, and smiling (smile) (give faint wink). She laughed, closes her small lips with her hand, waving a little to her customer as if saying ‘ah nothing, I am sorry’.

(Curl) ehehehe (curl curl) ehehehe. Man, so that’s how it felt like to have dating. I got to ask sis for a date after I go back to real world. Yeah, I will! Eh, nononono, I must!

(Look around) hmm, somehow the street kind of empty, there are not much people here today, I why. Well, that is not my business yet, I still have to work on what I know, manage it so I can move forward.

(Yawn) Ah, still none coming. Hmm, ehehehe.

Words : 816

[lukavminaev]

It is already night in Londinium, I am sitting on a bench outside parliament building, or what mostly looks like a bench. Night breeze doesn’t really affect me, mostly because I used to ignore it even in the real world. Also, maybe because of these thick furs. I am looking at the empty sky, not the same sky as I looked when I am resting outside, on a tree. Somehow, it makes me feel lonely. Not being able to enjoy the sea of stars, and only left me with some dim lights. The vacant streets giving more hollow feelings, for everyone who have felt they left behind, feeling ignored, or the world is so unjust. Hmm, me? I just enjoying whatever given to me, or whatever I can achieve with the current me now, expand it little by little so I can make a place where I can feel comfortable.

Time moves slowly when you consciously notice it. It is like the clock ticking slowly, waiting for you to leave it alone, then slips through your consciousness when you finally decide to ignore it. I don’t find me myself chained by the time, bound by the rule of ‘today’, ‘past’, and ‘tomorrow’. At least I do not feel like too chained by it. I am bearing the hope of the past, facing a vague tomorrow, and facing whatever menace to be still what I am today. I am moving forward slowly, understand it little by little, so I can go back to the flow of time, and making a progress to reach my goal, back to sister and mother.

Night breeze starts blowing again. I can feel my furs become thicker. The scenery of Londinium night really gives you a warm feeling when you look at right direction. The light of magic lamp and candles from some buildings, the warmth of those candles, somehow you can feel it from afar, makes you want to draw closer. There is also some places that still in darkness. Well, maybe because they are considered as ruins rather than living environments. Also, there is still people who still like living in the darkness, mostly some adventurers. Sometimes, darkness gives you more warmth than candle lights, giving you protection from the fiery eyes, but also pulls you into a place where you can’t have many choice, unless you managed some lights into it. I like being in the dark side of Londinium. Not because I like to hide or doing something out of people attention. I like this side because I can finally see the moonlight to its fullest. It’s so bright, but it usually hidden behind the brightness of candle lights or magic lamps near you. (Smile) today moon is so beautiful, I am glad to finally being here tonight.

“Why are you smiling by yourself?” eh, oh yeah, I am currently on a date. I just meet her few days ago, bluntly ask her on a date. After that, we decided to meet again anytime she free from her work at market stand. Today she is wearing her usual night blouse with neck warmer. She leans to my shoulder, closes her eyes, smiling. That is one of things about her, I just found it out, and I liked it. She is just there leaning on my side, leaves me alone to travel into my own mind, enjoying my personal wild adventure, and she protects me from outside disturbance. (Smile) “Won’t you get cold by sleeping outside?” “Hmmmh, what are you talking about, you are so warm” ah, what a cute girl, although she is older than how she looks, still not older than me. “Come here I will warm your cheek” I changed my arm position so now she can lean on my chest, put my elbow on her back and my paw on her hair. “Now it warmer right?” I caress her hair then give a light kiss on her forehead. Her cheek redden and tighten her hug on my waist.

“Lukav” “Hmm?” “Why did you just stand alone on the roadside?” (Smile) “I was waiting someone” she looks at me in the eyes “someone? Someone who?” “hehe you want to know? You want to know that badly?” (Pinch) “Ouch, alright alright I will tell you” (looking to the sky) “I was waiting to talk to other adventurer” “waiting? To talk? Why don’t you just pick who ever there and start the conversation? That is more like you” “I know, I just, feel I can’t just doing it like that” she stopped for a while then leaning her head back to my chest. “Hmmmh, I don’t understand adventurers” (smile) “you always saying that”.

She is smiling “oh Lu, can I ask you something?” “Hmm? what is it?”. She suddenly moving to near my ear and whispering. “Hmm?” she then move and standing in front of me, leaving me facing her back. I just staring at her as she doing all that. “So” she turning her face back to me and gives me her beautiful smile “will you do it?”

Eh, yeah I am alone. I am waiting there every day because I am feeling alone. I … I felt like I am hitting roadblock, but now she is standing there before me and gives me chance to feel happy. Eh (smile) at least I have my chance to make someone happy. “Alright”

Tonight is like another night on the streets of Londinium, and I am not there to wait anyone.

Words : 918

[lukavminaev]

(Yawn) eh, so it’s morning. A warm morning sun woke me up. Its light travels thorough an opened window, gives me a warm morning kiss on my furry cheek. I wake up from the bed and stretched my arms “whooaaahhmm … ah” that was one relaxing nap, one of the best since I’ve got thrown into Elder Tale world. I click some menu and get my leather armor back, then walk to the kitchen. (Hug) “Ah, you have wake up” “yeah” I burry my face on her shoulder “hmm? You didn’t … ?” smack! The back of ladle hitting my forehead “silly” she seems being shy about it “why don’t you wait on your chair?” “okay” I give a light kiss to the back of her neck before I finally sitting on one of the chairs. Hmm, she really didn’t. What is she doing? I am looking at my paws and moving my fingers a little. Ah, right, it is her house by the way, of course she can we … “and now …” she puts large bowl on the table “and now?” “This is …” “your request” “my request” I am looking at the boiling pot in front of me. I can smell some of spices from the steam. “Hmm, smells good” “isn’t it?” I reach the ladle with my right hand “can I start to dig in?” “sure, yeah, hurry hurry” she looks at me with so much enthusiasm. I take small portion with the ladle then taste it. She looks at me with her hopeless face, it so cute and funny. Ah, I almost forgot, I am here to comment about her dish. “Well?” “well” “how is the taste?” hmm, it is okay, I think “It’s bad” she buries her face on the kitchen table “too salty” “nonononono” she is shaking her body “I can’t taste anything but salty” (glare) “you Meany!” she pinches my nose. “ouch, okay okay, it is actually good” she stops for a while “are you sure?” “for beginner” “hmmmmh” she pouts, then just curl on her chair “annnhhh, it is so hard to make tasteful dish like those” she buries her face on her lap. I walk to her side then lower my position, then I rest my arms on the side of the chair “you know, you can always try it again” she raises her head a little then looks at me “you can count on me to taste them if you want” “you promise?” “yeah I promise” “thanks!” she hugs my head tightly.

“Ah, I got to go” I let go of her hug “waiting again?” “yeah, waiting again” (walk to the door) “you know Lu, you can always talk to me” (smile) “I know, but … this is something I need to do. Well see you later” she waves her hand as I opened the door. Yeah, I know. Why bother to desperately waiting for someone who you won’t know if he or she will coming or not. However, after I met her, I understand. As a small fragment in the world, you will acknowledge your hopelessness, and try to cling to someone or something to make you feel, you are attached. You feel fulfilled, complete, and sometimes clouded, and feel like you are the center of the world. However, you are still that small fragment, and need something or someone to attach. That is why I need other adventurer to talk to. To share the pains and joy together, where they have the same origin and situation as me. Yeah, I know she has given me so many love, more than I can receive, She has given me a comfortable place to go to, but somehow it won’t fill the emptiness in my heart.

So, I come back again to this street, where sadness and joy filling the air. I take a deep breath, the usual fresh air of the green Londinium. Busy people filling up the street. The ruins waiting there as usual, giving the vibe of abandoned city. I am walking toward my usual place “ah”. There is someone there today. An old man, from the status menu I know he is Lander. Hmm, seems like I need to find another place. I changed my direction before arrived at the guildhall, taking my time walking around unused buildings while looking for a suitable waiting place. (Smirk) there is an opened window, why don’t I take a little stroll. I begin stoop my body little by little, increasing speed, I begin running, dashing, jump to the opened window, and let my instinct lead me to my new adventure.

The route today is not that hard. There is some building on far away that I have used them for my previous adventure. Now this new building I am in, there is a hole. Jump. Follow the track until my instinct tell me this is most likely lead to a dead end. Turn aside quickly. Jump to outside. Grab and flip. Land on the veranda above. Start running again. For freedom. A single route appearing in my mind, with all the answers I have calculated, drawing my hunger. I am rushing toward it, dashing along the line, running to the edge of building, then leap.

This is it, the wind. The feeling of freedom. The feeling of flying high in the sky. Although it just for couple second, and you mustn’t do it with eyes closed. (Slam) ouch, ah, right, I have landed. Hmm, (look around) (scratch scratch) it is just the opposite building from where I was waiting before. Ah, right, must find a good place. People will start coming from their hunting places, start filling the market where they sell loots, reforging their equipment, or just find a nice place where they can eat real taste foods. Therefore a good time when some of them feeling down and want to talk about something.

This place should do, I will start waiting in this place then. Waiting. Alone. “Hi, would you help me moving this crate?” Hmm, who is it “oh, is this a quest?” smack! She hits my forehead again “silly”.

Words : 1020

[lukavminaev]

Ah, what a bright day. Yeah, seems like this part of city has really changed since the first time I arrived here, or is it me that have changed a lot since I arrived. I don’t know, but I still like watching people, I still like doing my little adventure, and also I still like waiting here, more precisely giving it more thought to stay and waiting if somehow there is people that felt lost and want to talk about one or two things to me.

However, now I also have a girl. Well, technically she is not ‘my’ girl, but now she is also precious ones to me. I can keep moving, keep being optimist, is all thank to her. If, I didn’t meet her that time, if I didn’t push my courage, maybe I am still alone right now, watching the busy streets of Londinium. Eh, that was just a small courage, but if I didn’t have that courage that time, maybe I won’t be like what I am now. I remember when I first meet her, she is so adorable even though she was rejecting me. Eh, or it just my mind playing trick, I don’t know. She comes at the right time, and cure my exhausting heart. Tired for being alone.

Hmm, I think it should be enough. There is no more reason to keep being here and waiting. I must take the initiative. Yeah, today I am a different person. I have got my reason. I have someone waiting for me even if I fall. I must solve this problem of mine this time. No more running, no more walking back, there is only me and the problem. I must try to understand anyone in front of me, listening to what they really want, acknowledge their true intention. I can find it, through all of this noise. I can find it, the sound of abandoned souls. Among these people, there is someone. From their face, from their expression, find it. From the way they talk, from their gestures, find it. “Ah”.

Now that I think about it, how is everyone thinking about me? If I just casually said ‘hello’ what will they think? Is it different if I do it roughly? Or I must put a humble expression first? There is maybe thousands of way to expressing interest, but one of them may give thousands different ways of image. For example, if I just say ‘hi, how are you? I am Lukav, can we have a little chat?’ maybe they will reply with ‘oh, yeah, nice to meet you too’, or ‘hmm, who are you? Heave we meet before’, or ‘yo, hi pal, although I don’t know who you are, heh’, or ‘please, I need to go somewhere’, or ‘give me a break would you’, or ‘I don’t talk to strangers’, or ‘busy’, or ‘nononono, don’t come near me’, or ‘please, I want to shine, and you blocked it’, or ‘move away’, or ‘don’t talk to me’, or ‘such a lower level, you better go grind in the forest rather than annoy me’, or ‘go away, you are annoying’, or ‘you don’t have the right to talk’, or just ignoring me, or just move away without saying anything, and many more. There is so many different people, and I just one of them.

There is so many different personalities, and so many different opinions. Sometimes one of them trying to force their opinion on others. I am fine. I rather just watching them from the sideline like a gargoyle. I used to watch the cruelty of world, and I still keep my sanity to move forward. However, for me to try forcing my opinion on other, it is so not right. Well, I used to do that but, only when I feel it needed to do to solve the situation or when I am too optimist of my solution. However, adventurers in front of me are different. Somehow, I feel it just not right to talk the way I used to. I don’t know, it just somehow gives me the vibe it would end badly.

Aaaarrggh. What the hell I am thinking about, did I have left all of that matters behind before, did I have said I will solve this problem of mine. It is now the time to make change. I cannot run away from it anymore. I cannot just left is as ‘complicated’ then just whine about it. I must face it, the wall that keep blocking me all this time, break it away, make a way out for me. I cannot just let it go as usual. Keeping it as it is will not solve anything. I must move forward, again, to the next step. With all my feelings, I begin my first step, my first step toward future, toward the new me, toward the new adventure.

I am enjoying the scenery as I am walking. Sun light, come across the shallow group of leaves. The trees waving its branches, welcoming a gentle breeze of early afternoon. Blowing gently, as if the mother earth itself, lightly caressing the shoulders of hardworking people. Slowly curing them from fatigue, through their sweat. Making up a proper scenery for people to rest, to start a simple chat, make a dry humor, or just recollecting the old days. Protect them under the blue sky. The wind slowly become lighter. The green all over Londinium has become more dry. A dry and fresh afternoon, I will begin it from today, from this very afternoon. Some of vacant buildings have shown the sign of live. More and more people coming back from their daily routine, exhausted, fulfilled for their effort today. I see the girl I dated has drowned among the flood of oncoming customers. More and more adventurers coming back to the city, filling sparse places all over Londinium. I can see one or two adventurers that seems stray from the group. Ugh, why I am being choosy again, am I have decided to just start talking without have to consider any small reasons like being busy or have somewhere to go.

I continued my step forward to the nearest adventurer in front of me. I have prepared my feeling, my pace, I have calculated what kind of words I will use to start our conversation, but she has gone somewhere before I can greet her. Sigh, ah, it is not really my day. Dang it, and I already prepared anything. I lean my back on the nearest wall, covering my eyes with my paw. Aaaaarrghh, and I already so close. I clench my fist tightly to suppress my frustration coming out. But, to be honest I got a slight relief when she just gone away like that. Maybe I am not feeling so prepared yet. Maybe I am just not ready. I am relaxing my hands and watching people silently. Maybe I really am just suited for being gargoyle. I am walking back to my usual waiting spot.

Ahahahah, what the hell of conclusion my mind had gotten into. Since the beginning, I just have to wait as usual. Waiting the day changed into night, waiting the sunny changed into rainy, waiting people to change. I am just one individual life, I don’t have the right to force my assumption to other people. Let’s just wait as they are change, changed into being that more welcoming. After that they might be introduce themselves to me. Let’s this stray cat waiting in the place he belong, among dozens of people, drowned in the business of society.

I stopped my feet. But. Am I already arrived to this conclusion before? am I stay being idle while people keep changing? I should have a little courage to force a little of my selfishness onto people. So, they will at least acknowledge the true me. Make a room in their heart to either accept or reject me. Filling up the role as another people for another people. Make this place become more and more brighter place to stay. I know different person may have different belief, different opinion, or different interest. It is really hard to understand other person fully unless you become that person. However, it is not impossible to build impression. Forcing yourself a little onto them, so they can put a label on your character and keep it in their memory. Interacting with them every day so you can build the ‘you’ inside their mind to become more and more like the ‘true you’. I turned back. Ah, but are all of it really the right thing to do.

“Aren't adventurers like to do adventure?” (smile) yeah, I know whose voice is that behind me. “Yeah, I know” I feel her presence become closer “then, let me give you a farewell gift” she presses her body on my fury back. I can feel her warmth, her feelings, flowing into my heart. “Good bye my adventurer” as she says that, she pushes my back, forcing some courage into my feet, to move forward.

“Ah, hi, I know you may be busy but, can we have a chat?”

Words : 1530

Learning to Talk (END)