Post by Rook on Mar 1, 2015 9:09:33 GMT
“Accepting the now is a part of being, according to that philosophy.” Rook’s reply was non-committal, the idea of being rejected by one who used to accept you had shaken her a little bit. “I have to accept my situation before I can properly determine where I want to go from here. If I reject my situation for something that has passed or for something that may be in the future then I’m not really living my life.”
“I think there’s no problem with keeping up the search. If you had uncomfortable clothes wouldn't you shop for something more comfortable? I know that there was a way to change your avatar before it became a world unto itself.” The thought of a boyfriend was also a more than a little unnerving. It implied certain embarrassing things. Rooks body language closed up a little.
Rook’s mind leapt back to the life before this one, could she call that any better than a life half lived? Fear and uncertainty, not faced with courage but avoided with immersion in fantasy. Were things really better now? She couldn't tell, her sense of judgement in that regard seemed blunted.
“I know that if I found somebody who accepted me and made me happy, I would be deeply hurt if they rejected me because I found a way to change. I know it would influence my decision to change. It would be unfair on them, and a painful situation. I suppose, I want something eternal because I cannot embrace the impermanence inherent in life. Until death do us part and all that.”
“Human interaction is the hardest part of this. The job part is just a given. If you want to eat the good food here you need gold. That’s just that. Building a life, I feel that’s also necessary. This environment isn't healthy for our minds… well, certainly not for my mental well being.”
A twinge of guilt ran across her heart. She didn't want to admit she was just as shallow as the rest of humanity. Being aware of a bias or nuance of thought does not make one immune to said bias or nuance. Only skin deep, the truth hurt. Better to face that ugliness.
“I’ve spent a long time rejecting this change in my life.” Rook admitted. “I've cried too much. I've allowed myself to be too weak. The despair can turn a bright day grey and make a dark night endless. Better to focus on now, to accept everything and begin taking steps to change what I don’t like.”
“My gender doesn't change who I am, though maybe it has forced me to realize that my own mind pigeon-holes people due to their gender. My behaviour has changed because what I believe is acceptable behaviour has changed based on my gender. To misquote a misquote I read, ‘the mind is a plaything of the body’. I'm not so sure on it is, but it’s certain true for me, here and now.”
Word Count:500
Tagged: parasole
