[Invite] That which we wear, that which we are.

[Rook]

A little further from the busy paths than most care to venture. In the poorer section of Londinium. Where the buildings are pressed together in unusual ways. Where the people of the land choose to live when the immigrate to the city and where those who can't adjust hide from the new reality.
This part of the city spends an unusual amount of time in twilight, the long shadows and close buildings mean the lights must come on sooner and stay on later. It's only really day here for a few hours around noon.

The shop wasn't there at the launch of the expansion, it was not designed by an artist, and yet, out of all the places where she'd been it felt the most... real. Neglected or perhaps abandoned by the adventurer who started it, an elderly person of the land now maintains it.
A second hand clothes store. Stocked mostly with clothes brought cheaply and sold for little profit. Nothing of any statistical significance, just lowbie gear starter gear and the event tat that people don't care to keep carrying around.
There's a disorder to the place that makes moving past the tables and racks an unusual and enticing experience. Sometimes a true gem could be found, but more frequently people search for just what they need.

Most of the items within are adventurer cast-offs, things made by the system. Clothes which miraculously fit perfectly and can be maintained by simply working the interface. Things dyed unusual colours, common starter clothes. Clothes worn to low durability and then discarded rather than repaired.
The most defining attribute about the place is how little everything costs.

Which is why Rook shops there all the time. Well, sometimes she does find something rare and beautiful too. Some old event item or some customised piece of clothing. The search can also be thrilling every now and again.

Today she's looking through the clothes again, through the unsorted pieces on the main table. Much of what she lays hands on just gets folded and placed in a somewhat appropriate pile... tops, pants and skirts. It's something of a service that the customer feels compelled to provide given the advanced age of the shop keep.

Every now and then she stops and holds something up. Imagining what it would look like on her. A pair of red framed glasses. A dark, knee length skirt. An oversized sweater... once in a while she tries something on in the places' single dressing room.

The clothes are always clean, and the system made ones always fit like a dream, showing off every curve, making her body look as tantalisingly good as it was made to be. It's then that she generally stops for the day, as good as it looks in her eyes... it feels wrong. Ugh, if only she'd gone for cute, or characterful when making this body rather than making something so lewd.

It broke her heart a little every time.

But today she couldn't give up. She wanted, no, needed professional clothes... something that matched a little better at least so she didn't look like so much of a scrub making deliveries... maybe even a set equip robe or something like that, the kind that may have a recoloured and statistically boosted higher level version.

She'd set aside some combinations that may be acceptable... a blazer and shirt, a single piece robe which had an unfortunate cloth belt stitched in to hold it close to the feminine curves, a one piece dress that stopped just above the knee and stockings and suit which would have looked perfectly normal on a male avatar but... Why did clothing always fail to convey the message she wanted.

No it wasn't really that, the clothing was better than most MMOs in that respect... she was just biased because it was her body in them. All she could see was herself, and the message her she felt her avatar was inadvertently sending to the world.

She wasn't alone in the shop today. A girl, an adventurer.

“Good afternoon.” she started. “If you have a moment, I'd really like to get a second opinion on how this looks...” Her voice was soft and feminine, she didn't want to trick the other person but the idea that a man in such a body asking a girl to assess his appearance... ugh, it made her feel like an utter pervert. “I'm trying to gather an ensemble, something a little more professional.”

HP:100%    MP:100%

Skill used:
Word Count: 750
Tagged: parasole
Notes: A self indulgent thread with the intent of discussing life for the many and varied trapped outside of their comfort zone. PM for an invitation.

[parasole]

Rook

Wc: 920

Two Bodies, One Mind

Hp: 100 Mp:100

(Dress Parasole Is Wearing)

Shifting from one foot to the other, Parsole left out a soft sigh as he toyed with a flower charm that adorned his neck and hung just below where his breasts were. Just business as usual for the gender trapped cleric. Since the event had happened Vance or Parasole has he was known in this world had become trapped alongside thousand of other players in a real version of a virtual environment and by some cruel trick they existed in the bodies of the characters they had been playing at the time resulting in the tall lean and fit red head boy's mind to be placed within a petite girl with soft angelic features, large eyes, a porcelain face and vibrant red hair.

That fact didn't seem to be changing any time soon and thus here he was trying on a variety of clothing this strange little clothing shop had to offer. Parasole had discovered the shop during one of his little excursions throughout Londinium early one morning. He still hadn't gotten used to the fact that he was now female and needed to learn everything about being female or have his true nature known whether he wished it to or not. This shop however was so out of the way and tucked in a part of Londinium that was mostly frequented by people of the land, the gender bent adventurer couldn't help but feel slightly more comfortable. However the adventurer still had no idea how to walk, talk and even dress like a girl let alone style his own hair. He had contemplated even cutting it all off but when it came to actually go through with it, he decided against it.

"You look like a nice healthy young girl," The weathered and fragile old voice. Blinking Parasole turned to face the elderly shop owner who she had actually grown quite close to over the passing days. It had really happened by accident, Parasole had become so frustrated with dressing herself and hair that he had kind of had a small melt down in the shop when the woman had taken pity on him and coached his real identity out of him. It was odd how well the woman had reacted.

Apparently the people of the land always knew that adventurers came from a different land, summoned to this one by great magic. It wasn't until recently after the event that the people of the land realized that adventurers actually held intelligence. With that awkward explanation easily avoided, the woman had deducted that sometimes it made sense for a spirit to cross and have a different body than was intended.

So for the past couple of days early each morning, Parasole made his way down towards the shop where the woman would educate him on the ways of being a female. The basics like how to walk, how to talk and how to do his hair without becoming frustrated. That was taking longer than he had expected but still he was grateful for her advice. At the moment, she had been helping the adventurer understand how outfits can make one look beautiful and how outfits can look rather disgusting depending on the body shape of the person.

The cleric's face blushed slightly at the comment. The woman had picked out a short piece of vanity clothing that was a soft green hue, matching this with knee high socks and soft shoes, the outfit was complete. It was amazing how different he looked with just a few simple touches. "Next outfit!" The woman muttered cheerfully before disappearing leaving Parasole standing looking at himself in a nearby mirror. “Good afternoon.” The soft voice broke the silence of the shop and the cleric hadn't seen anyone enter and for a moment he was caught off guard. “If you have a moment, I'd really like to get a second opinion on how this looks...” Parasole breathed a sigh of relief as the woman spoke, she was rather pretty for an adventurer however her clothing was rather different so to speak, despite being conservative and rather professional looking the outfit hugged her body extenuating her curves like straight man's dream. “I'm trying to gather an ensemble, something a little more professional.”

The cleric paused for a moment stuck for words, he could barely trust himself to dress himself let alone give his opinion to someone else and their outfit. Scratching his cheek, he smiled politely. "Um.." He gave a sigh as he studied her. "It looks good." He nodded not knowing what to say, however there was something in the girl's eye that he noticed, a look that was somewhat familiar.

"AH!" The shop keeper's voice sounded from behind the cleric. Turning slightly she saw the woman smiling. "Isn't Parasole beautiful?" She called towards the second woman who had yet to be introduced. "Days ago he didn't even know how to walk, now he looks like a true woman!" The shop keeper announced with such pride and admiration for the cleric, however Parasole's face just turned a shade of crimson and he wanted to disappear right then and there, but it seemed the the woman wasn't done yet. "You new girl, perhaps you can help." She began, Parasole went to stop the woman from speaking but it was too late. "A man trapped in the body of a woman have you heard of anything so strange, but look you would never guess now would you?" She looked at the new adventurer for an answer.

Where Do I Belong?

❖ NOX ❖

[Rook]

Rooks eyes became large and she covered her mouth with the fingers of both hands. A storm of unexpected emotions raged inside.

Shock, fear, awe... she had mistaken this person entirely. Their truly feminine attire, their manner.
And the situation was horrifying... if something like that had happened to Rook she would be in tears and out the door in an instant. Why though, she couldn't say. Was it really that much easier to live the lie? She didn't try to hide it deeply... she just didn't bring it up.

This called for drastic measures. Something she would never do normally.
“It's not as strange as you'd think... I'm the same.” Rook replied to the shop keep, them promptly continued in hopes of covering up what she had just said. “You're right though, I never would have guessed.”

Perhaps it was because she'd spent so much time polishing her voice, her manner and focused inwardly on herself. Rook had never met another person in the same boat. Another poor soul trapped in the same way.
This was perhaps where the awe came from, she never would have guessed. Rook used interface vision to determine Parasole's name then stopped herself from being so rude.

“My name is Rook Saten.” Rook held out her hand as if to shake.”I'm pleased to meet you.” She had so much she wanted to ask, so much she wanted to share. She hesitated though, Parasole seemed to be handling this life so much better.

HP:100%    MP:100%

Skill used:
Word Count: 250
Tagged: parasole

[parasole]

Rook

Wc: 418

Two Bodies, One Mind

Hp: 100 Mp:100

(Dress Parasole Is Wearing)

As the woman revealed his most precious secret like it was nothing the cleric felt his stomach drop away, the feeling of dread sitting in it's place like a hard rough stone. His voice caught in his throat and just stopped like a deer caught in headlights. He couldn't blame the woman, he hadn't exactly told her to keep it a secret and yet he wanted to scream at her.

The shock slapped him big time and he felt his heart pound against his chest as the woman behind him gasped in shock and most likely horror. Gulping down a ball of dread, he turned slightly, backing away from the girl. A wave of insecurity and dread washed over Parasole as he watched the girl react all wide eyed and surprised. ~This.. this can't be happening~ He wanted to run but he couldn't his clothes were still in the dressing room and he hadn't paid for the new outfit, he was stuck where he was. Then the woman uttered something that caused him to react in just the same way.

“It's not as strange as you'd think... I'm the same.” In an instant the dread washed away and hope grew where it had festered. Who was this person? He wasn't alone, how long had they been stuck, were they adjusting too, so many questions ran through his mind. "WHAT?!" The cleric gasped her eyes opening in pure shock with a sharp intake of breath, he clutched the table fearing he might fall over. “You're right though, I never would have guessed.”

Blushing somewhat the cleric smiled taking the woman's hand in his with a need to be close to this person. Finally someone like him. It was surprising how soft it was, as he gazed at the woman he couldn't believe it. She was stuck in the opposite gender too. “My name is Rook Saten.” The woman spoke with a kind smile. ”I'm pleased to meet you.” Parasole let out a laugh of pure joy as he clutched Rook's hand in his. "I can't believe this, I thought I was the only one!" The cleric almost danced write there and then. He couldn't stop smiling. "I'm Parasole here. Please tell me you are finding it as hard as I am," The cleric asked desperately.

Beside them the old woman who too had reacted with shock to Rook's discovery soon just gave a knowing smile and a nod before waving them to sit down. "I leave you to talk."

Where Do I Belong?

❖ NOX ❖

[Rook]

Rook sat, the entire experience was just a smidge overwhelming. Thankfully the place was small enough that she didn't have to release the hand she was holding.

Somewhere deep inside Rook felt that if she let it go this person would evaporate and disappear as though in a dream.

“It's terribly difficult.” Rook chose her words carefully, as though their weight may be crushing. “First impressions count for a lot, people feel deceived when they know the truth... even when it's none of their business.”

“I've found it easier just to be what they expect. Even that though is fraught with danger, perhaps even more so.” As Rook spoke, the words just started flowing on their own all the pain and fear which was normally bottled up inside finding some release. “The closer you are to somebody, the more deeply they're hurt by the deception... it's hard to find the right time to tell somebody the truth.”

“And if you get it wrong, they're in pain and feel the need to tell others to protect them from that pain.”
Rooks vision blurred, she blinked away the beginning of tears.

“And in all this, I'm made out to be villain. A deceiver. It's so terribly difficult.” Rook gave a small bitter smile. “It's as though this one thing is a crime, this one thing that I didn't choose on purpose that I cannot change.”

“I'm afraid to act naturally... every part of me is considered risk.”

HP:100%    MP:100%

Skill used:
Word Count: 250
Tagged: parasole

[parasole]

Rook

Wc: 405

Two Bodies, One Mind

Hp: 100 Mp:100

Excitedly the cleric took a seat next to the enchanter with a vibrant smile. Since Elder Tales had become Parasole's new home, there were many things he had to get used to, but one of those was the feeling of being alone with a secret that he was afraid to tell people for how they would react.

Of course there were two currently within the game that knew Parasole outside of Elder Tales and both were very aware of his real gender, however other than them, Parasole had no one to talk to and even when he was talking to them, it felt weird asking questions and talking about his experiences with them.

However he was sitting beside someone who literally experienced the same thing as him. Someone who woke up to find their body and voice changed, someone who found it hard to walk, how to act and how to adjust to living life as the opposite gender. “It's terribly difficult.” Rook began and Parasole nodded knowingly, knowing first hand how careful one had to be.

“First impressions count for a lot, people feel deceived when they know the truth... even when it's none of their business.” The cleric nodded and let out a soft sigh as he remembered how Og Loc had laughed and laughed once he had found out and how people literally stepped away from you if you told them the truth, how guys looked at you like you were some kind of disease.

"But that is the thing isn't it?" The cleric began staring at his feet. "We never asked for this, we never wanted this, we are victims as much as everyone else is. Perhaps more." Parasole let his words hang for a moment before squeezing Rook's hand reassuringly. "I feel like a walking time bomb at times." He began. "I have to watch how I walk, talk and act, as if this,"

He gestured to the world around them. "As if this wasn't hard enough to adjust to." He paused and looked down at his attire. "I'm literally taking lessons on how to be a woman because I can't allow people to look at me, to evaluate me based on a choice to play a female avatar." The cleric's free hand clutched the flower necklace and he gave a sigh of relief. "I think I've been the most honest I've ever been with you since I awoke here."

Where Do I Belong?

❖ NOX ❖

[Rook]

A connection, a simple human connection. Why had it been so hard up until now.
So hard that it had driven her into a corner, into an isolation from which there was no escape. Somehow meeting another in the same position had slipped through a barrier. A shared secret had created a bond in an instant and such things could be dangerous.

“Mmm.” Rook agreed, but when he went to speak again her voice choked up.

“We can't go home, we can't change back and we can't escape.” That last word, 'escape' had too much meaning, too much history.
The sea of emotions which had been locked away, flooding about. Rook couldn't think clearly. Her small resolve was drowning in it.

“It's so lonely... and you never know where you stand.” Rook stopped. She could hardly go on and she had to dry her eyes on a sleeve.

It took her a long time to get back her composure, and she wasn't the kind who stayed pretty as she cried.

“I'm sorry...” They existed within each others barriers, but they were still strangers. Rook felt somehow wrong to burden Parasole with everything.

“Things are better now than they were. The imperial guard restored order... but early on things were more dangerous.” Rook cleared her nose on a handkerchief. “It's a fear I've never known in my life until then and hope never to know again.”

“I'm sure things will keep improving. Yes, I'm quite certain.”

HP:100%    MP:100%

Skill used:
Word Count:250
Tagged: parasole

[parasole]

Rook

Wc: 526

Two Bodies, One Mind

Hp: 100 Mp:100

Escape the word was heavy given their current predicament. They were trapped. Trapped within a reality that took the shape of a game,a virtual reality that shouldn't have existed in this way and yet it did. Trapped within avatars that they had created themselves, created without the notion that they would inhabit those bodies soon.

Trapped with bodies off opposing gender, at least he and Rook were anyway. The were trapped to repeat a cycle of how do I tell them I'm a man in side a woman's body, trapped forever second guessing themselves as to what they should say and shouldn't. If they told their secret, would players embrace them or would they shun them, would they aid them or would they cast them out. Shuddering at the thought Parasole listened to each word Rook spoke, understanding more than anyone how Rook felt. Each word echoed Parasole's own experience within Elder Tales.

All he could do was give a reassuring squeeze to the hand he held and let the enchanted feel the emotions that they had buried so deeply, let them let it all out. "We have to hope they do." The sentence trailed off at the end as Parasole looked to his feet. Yes things had been quite bad at the start, not only had people panicked, some reacting worse than others, but they also had to deal with adjusting to completely new bodies, discovering first hand the differences someone who grew up that gender might never had given a second thought to.

Not only that but it was a constant battle of whether they should act like themselves or try to hide their true identity. Parasole had encountered both sides of the fence, those that did not care such as Autumn and Og Loc, however they knew him from before the event and well he couldn't exactly pretend he was in the right gender.

However Parasole had also met with some fairly rough players, players who had tried to take advantage of him outside the safety of Londonium, hoping to gain some items, when they discovered he was actually a male inside that female body, they had turned on him heavily, instead treating him no better than a monster.

Shuddering as he thought of how cold the Cathedral slab had felt after the torrent of abuse he was forced to endure at the hands of the player killers. How they had attacked him, then healed him only to attack him some more. The dream did nothing to sway the despair he felt afterwards. It wasn't fair to punished by a world that had sentenced them unfairly.

"I hope I'm not being to forward." The cleric spoke after a short silence. "But I would like to add you to my friends list." With that Parasole opened up the interface and sent along the request of friendship. "I would like to get to know you better too, how about I change and we can explore Londinium for a bit?" He waited until he had gotten approval before disappearing into the lonely small dressing room before shortly emerging once more in his usual attire. "Where to?"

Where Do I Belong?

❖ NOX ❖

[Rook]

She took some time to clean herself up while Parasole was changing... her race of ritual marks had become more apparent where her eye liner had run. Her eyes were red, it couldn't be helped.

Somehow this simple shopping expedition had gone from being emotionally draining to emotionally explosive. There was no way she could think about shopping right now. She felt drained and in need for a good sleep at the same time, she doubted she’d be able to sleep for hours, she was practically shaking with adrenaline.

Rook accepted the friend request and agreed to leave the store.
Somebody she could talk to about this… a find rarer than diamonds. She would not pass up the opportunity.

At the same time, she didn’t think she had sufficient mental strength to face this matter, and certainly not in public. She’d passed that lone long ago.

“I can’t think… maybe just a walk?” Rook wasn’t even sure she knew the time. The memories had been so vivid and painful.

“Maybe a hot drink somewhere quiet.” Tea was cheap and Rook was certain the heat would feel good after all this.

Rook stood and moved to the door, leaving the things she’d found on the mixed goods table.
The light was was shadowed by the buildings, the air felt colder than it did before. Rook assumed she was just more sensitive to the cold air because she had been crying.

Rook looked back into the store waiting for Parasole to emerge.

HP:100%    MP:100%

Skill used:
Word Count: 250
Tagged: parasole

[parasole]

Rook

Wc: 363

Two Bodies, One Mind

Hp: 100 Mp:100

The cleric nodded in agreement, despite their brief chat, it was rather exhausting and being able to retire somewhere and get something small to drink would have been perfect. It took them some time, but eventually after exploring the area of town that they were situated in, the two gender trapped adventurers managed to find a rather out of the way quiet place to stop into and grab something to drink.

It was a rather unique looking tea shop. The outside was rather unappealing looking but the soft aroma that escaped it's doors seemed to draw the two closer. Inside the walls were adorned with beautifully crafted vases and statues, there wasn't many people inside, so Parasole motioned the enchanter inside with a confident smile. The building seemed to resemble what Parasole had imagined Japanese tea houses looked like, it was rather large in the interior but the furniture was bare and basic.

Exhaling a breath, the cleric slid into one of the booths and motioned for the enchanter to follow suit. Within moments, they were greeted by a rather pleasant looking lander woman who identified herself as their server. "What would you like?" The musically feminine voice of the woman asked the two. Parasole allowed Rook to order first before simply requesting a tea that would help her relax. The kind woman gave the two a warm smile before leaving them alone for a moment.

"Can I ask what your plans are?" The cleric asked knowing the question was rather intrusive. "I don't want to be forward, but I have only two friends and we were thinking that a guild was the best option," The cleric frowned for a moment. "I'm in two minds, being part of guild adds on responsibility and a higher work load and I would rather focus on trying to get back to my own gender without having to worry about anyone else, but then again a guild can offer more resources, protection and if I was honest with them, they might be willing to help me." He paused again. "Then again, they might be just as willing to kick me and leave me on my own too."

Where Do I Belong?

❖ NOX ❖

[Rook]

Rook thought on Parasole’s statement until the tea arrived.

She sat with her mug warm, sweet, milky tea for a moment while the waitress went away before speaking. holding it with both hands to get the cold out of her fingers.

“A guild, of course I’ve considered it… a de facto family, or however it’s shaped… it would be nice to have a secure place to live and stay.” Rook sipped her tea.
“It takes a lot of work to make a good guild. I’ve tried one before but I think perhaps it outgrew the creator’s capacity. It fell apart not long after I joined…I never told them, but I’m sure some knew.”

“It’s a lot of work and a big investment being in a guild. You have to look after each other… maybe I could do it with a small guild but I’m not sure I could in a larger guild.”

Another sip of tea, soothing the throat and heart.

“And then there is the matter of trust. To reap the benefits of a guild you have to trust them in this world. There are a lot of people out there with whom I don’t think I could form a bond of trust.”

“A larger guild has more resources to share, but also more people you have to trust to fully enjoy those benefits. A smaller guild may be easier to build a circle of trust with, but is also more easily torn apart by a loss of trust.”

HP:100%    MP:100%

Skill used:
Word Count: 250
Tagged: parasole

[parasole]

Rook

Wc: 436

Two Bodies, One Mind

Hp: 100 Mp:100

Letting her cup warm her hands for a moment, she listened intently to every word that Rook spoke. The woman or gender trapped player to be more precise seemed to be very wise. Parasole couldn't help but wonder what age the player behind the avatar, perhaps they were a wise old man who loved random facts and quotes or maybe Rook was a young person in school wiser beyond their years, the possibilities were endless and of course that was a topic that no one wanted top bring up.

Everyone seemed to avoid the topic of past lives or the past world, it was like the giant elephant in the world of Elder Tales, most people either were trying to forget it or were still too torn up to even think about it and it didn't look like they were leaving it any time soon, even the highest level players seemed to avoid searching the world for answers for fear they wouldn't find any. And certainly Parasole would count himself or herself among them, remembering his past life only seemed to stress how different this one was. He missed his family, he was used to not being alone a majority of the time, always a brother or sister nearby to annoy him and now he was mostly alone during his time here and that was a depressing fact.

Bringing the cup to her lips, she let the warm liquid fill her mouth, it was odd how even the simply things in this world differed from back home, even tea tasted different, many would argue that it didn't, but Parasole was used to the rushed kind, that was made in batches, the kind that used little milk due to the amount of milk that would need be used for his family.

"And trust especially for us is hard to come by," The cleric commented setting the cup back down on the table. "To be honest I'm really afraid of being alone here." The cleric#s gaze was lost in his cup. "I'm from a big family and I know it is stupid but I've always had a big group of friends both online and offline and here I feel so alone and I have friends who got stuck here with me, but it isn't them, it is this body, it makes me feel like a prisoner and I hate that." He paused for a moment. "Anytime I get close to them, I stop myself or anytime I find myself looking at someone, I have to punish myself because I'm a trap." The word was said with such venom. 

Where Do I Belong?

❖ NOX ❖

[Rook]

Rook smiled wanly and let a little time pass.

“Mm.” She sipped the tea, looking for the right words. “It is perhaps exacerbated by how easily a beautiful avatar came together in the game…” Rook thought of herself, her exaggerated curves made perfectly to his tastes. It was a shame she wore on her sleeve, a burden she could only set down by hiding it.

She couldn't quite connect about family. She did remember hers, and she wondered sometimes how they were going. They were all so distant though, and she felt sure they were ok.
She hadn't lost anybody in such an intimate proximity as Parasole had.
Rook searched for the right words to comfort the girl.

She just couldn't find any.

“The loss of family and social intimacy.” Rook stated, seeking to understand. “Then the barrier to starting new, and worse… the difficulty finding physical intimacy. Not sex, but real, tangible physical intimacy. The kind you get when you’re lounging on a couch with friends, or embracing somebody. Where you can feel the warmth of others, and share your warmth with them.” It had been a rare thing in Rook’s life. Rook could still remember what a revelation touch had been when she’d last had it in her life.

“The kind you can only get by trusting and being trusted.” Rook sipped her tea. “Something so far beyond that extra leap of faith I have to take whenever I meet somebody new… to confide, or not to confide.”

HP:100%    MP:100%

Skill used:
Word Count: 250
Tagged: parasole

[parasole]

Rook

Wc: 529

Two Bodies, One Mind

Hp: 100 Mp:100

Bringing the cup to his lips once more, he finished off his cup letting out a pleased sigh as he set it back down once more, a smile on his face, he signaled the server to come over once more. "Can I help you?" That soft lander face spoke with an honest smile. It was hard to believe that the people of the land had been programs in the other version of Elder Tale, the fact that they were alive or at least Parasole believed them to be, only led him to him believe that the game hadn't simply come alive, but perhaps this world was an alive, perhaps they had somehow swapped universes like you would read about in those science fiction novels and strange anime.

"Er yes, I was hoping that we could get some food, do you have any here?" Parasole scratched his cheek and gave an honest smile to the woman, hoping that despite the place being just a tea shop that they might serve some food. The woman nodded with a smile and Parasole danced inwardly. "We have a selection of freshly made pastries, I'll bring over some in a minute. Would you like a refill?" That soft voice asked. Nodding Parasole watched the woman give them a nod before telling the two that she would return momentarily. "I don't know about you, but as soon as they learned how to make food taste like normal I think I cried right there and then." The cleric chuckled before returning to the subject at hand.

He gave a soft shrug. "To be honest, I kind of want to just throw those parts of myself in a chest and bury them," He paused a for moment looking down at the empty cup between his hands. "When I get my body back and I mean that when, I will take them out then. But I don't know about you. but..." He paused for a moment as the serer returned with a tray of beautiful fresh pastries of all shape and size along with a fresh cup of tea for both of them, before taking the empty cups and leaving them be.

Looking up at Rook's face, he smiled. "I can't afford to get close to anyone, to get comfortable and lose sight." Slowly he retrieved a square pastry that looked like it contained some apple. "I want my old body back," He paused and lowered his voice somewhat. "At the very least I want to be a man. When I'm back in the gender I feel comfortable in, then I will take those parts of me out, the parts that want to have fun with someone else, the parts that long for romance, the parts that you just want to let loose." He paused for a moment.

"Does it ever worry you what people of the land might think?" He paused for a moment. "I know that woman from before was accepting and all, but what if they aren't all like that..." His voice trailed off. "We can't simply explain this as picking the wrong gender during the character selection process without calling them fake and unalive."

Where Do I Belong?

❖ NOX ❖

[Rook]

Rook also accepted a pastry, it was hard to resist when her willpower was so sapped.

She could still remember the first hot meal she’d had with flavour here. She’d heard the tales but hadn’t been able to afford one for days at that point.

It had been a hot and spicy stew. Nothing that fit any particularly culinary style that Rook was aware of but it was hot and filling and tasty.

“The people of the land? They’re people, perhaps even more human than us. I expect their reaction would be much the same as the adventurers have been. Some would understand, some wouldn’t. Some would feel betrayed, but there is three critical differences.” Rook had terrible table manners, she was eating the pastry while talking. At some point she realized and started eating and talking separately, in a more demure fashion.

“One, they’re still within their social structure, so the lawlessness and chaos doesn't apply. Two, they’re much weaker than us. They don’t have the high level of personal power on average. Finally they’re mortal. If they wanted to hurt us, the certainly could. They could lock us away, but if they push us too hard our retaliation could be fatal.” Rook continued to ponder this for a long time, the pastry wasn’t as pleasant as it was a moment before.
She had to change the topic before the memories consumed her, one hand clutched her leg painfully under the table to remind her that now was now. That the ‘then’ was past.

“I’d be more worried about a new generation.We grew up in a world where pain couldn't be magicked away and death is final. Yes it was possible to enact or encounter violence in our lives but it wasn’t encouraged as it is here.” She lost herself a little in the thought experiment.
“How we treat other people is something we learn in early life. if a child were to grow up in this strange environment of power and reduced consequence… I’m sure we would perceive them as mentally damaged, probably label them with terms like psychopath.”

“Without proper care, and I mean more so than usual on the part of the parents and the community our fragile society here could collapse very quickly under the pressure to change.” Rook sipped the tea.
“But this is all theoretical, I haven’t heard of any children as yet among the adventurers. It may not even be possible. Still, to a lesser degree the same is true for the people of the land learning adventurer ways.”

“We all pretend this is still earth, perhaps to retain our sanity, but it is not, and people are very much the products of their environment.” Rook realized she was just stroking her own ego through analytical thinking and decided to bring it back to a more personal scale of conversation.

“I can see the wisdom in keeping things locked away for now, but I don’t think I can do it perfectly.”

HP:100%    MP:100%

Skill used:
Word Count: 500
Tagged: parasole

[parasole]

Rook

Wc: 638

Two Bodies, One Mind

Hp: 100 Mp:100

The cleric nodded along in response to the enchanter taking a small bite out of the apple pastry, letting the sweet and sour taste of the food tantalize her taste buds as she chewed savoring every moment. It seemed yet again the enchanter was full of knowledge and wisdom that the cleric lacked and it was certainly refreshing.

"I think you may be right on that account," He paused for a moment to take another bite of the pastry, swallowing it before continuing. "I could just be over reacting, but it is hard not to." This time the paused to drink some tea. It was crucial not to let the liquid cool down too much no one liked lukewarm tea.

Something the enchanter said struck a nerve with him however. "I don't know if any of the people I've met are children or adults, for example I have no way of knowing what age you really are because of the avatar you wear." He paused and studied the pastry. "I know it's weird to think about, but anyone of any age or profession could be behind any given avatar. I was a student in my previous life, business." The cleric shrugged. "It won't help much here." He gave a smile before taking another bite of his pastry, again swallowing it before he spoke. "But judging from the amount of people stuck here, someone has to be have been a professor of physics or a ten year old child right?" He looked at the enchanter. "The laws of possibilities and all that stuff." He bite his lip for a moment. "There is something else I've been curious about." This time he set the last bit of his pastry back down on it's plate for a moment.

Breathing out a slow breath, he thought for a moment. "Recently I've been wondering if this is isolated to the Unfounded Kingdom." He let his words hang in the air for a moment. "Like think about it, it is just as possible that the entire collection of servers were transformed, that would raise the players trapped significantly right?" He shuddered. "I don't normally like to think about it because it makes me uneasy. Then again thinking about how I got here also makes me uneasy."

He paused for a moment pulling his cup in front of him and gazing into the hot liquid for a moment. "Am I really trapped here, was my brain pulled from my body and put into this body." He held out his arms to gesture to the avatar. "Is my body slumped over a computer right now or maybe they found me and moved me to a hospital." He paused. "Or was my mind duplicated by some kind of electronic surge and sent here by some weird physics that I don't understand." He bite his lip and gave the woman a look. "I know this is weird, but it scares me to think that maybe the second one is more plausible, what if there is two of me walking around, one here and the other back there." His gaze fell to the table. "That would mean that there is no world to return to, because I would have no empty body to fill, that no one is looking for us because as far as the other world is concerned nothing happened."

Shaking his head, she brought the tea to his lips, pausing before taking a drink. "Forgive my ramblings." Then he took a rather long drink from his cup his heart running a mile a minute. The cleric was certainly on over drive right now. However the enchanted seemed to be so full of wisdom, he knew that if anyone could put his worries at ease or bring order to chaos so to speak, it would be Rook. 

Where Do I Belong?

❖ NOX ❖

[Rook]

The thoughts were vivid and painful. What had happened to the other them, their ‘selves’ which existed in the other world. After however long it had been the fears were still fresh and may remain so forever.

“Nobody knows, as far as I know what happened. If somebody did I’m sure they would be drowned out in the rumours and hearsay.” Rook said, taking a deep breath. “We may find out tomorrow. We may never know. This means there is a certain uncertainty to our situation which cannot be denied.”

“Let me share with you something that’s helped me. It’s from a book I read.”
She escaped from emotion into philosophy. She pulled up her sleeve as though to check a wrist watch. There was nothing there but her own slender wrist.
“I have no watch and this place has unnatural light, so if you were to ask me what time it is, I could only answer that it is now. It could be considered an unhelpful answer, but it is also quite liberating.”

“Now is the only time when you are, now is the only time you can be. The past cannot be changed, the future is a now yet to come. If you dwell too much in the past, or long too much for the future you lose that which is most precious, the tiny window in which you actually exist. Now.”

“I'm not saying you shouldn't learn from the past or plan for the future. Nor am I suggesting you shouldn't seek a way to be more comfortable in your situation here.”

Rook finished her pastry, it was delicious and the tea that followed it down seemed sweeter for the company.

“Just, when you find the fear creeping up on you, when those doubts eat away at you. Remember, you are now. Now is the only time you can choose, now is the only time you can act. Now is the only time you can decide. Now is the only time you can live outside of your mind.”

“That's really all I have, and sometimes it’s not quite enough. Sometimes now can be unbearable and I just want to escape. Longing for a future freedom, escaping into memory offers temporary relief at best and frequently makes things worse.”

Bitter memories rose, but Rook dismissed them easily this time… perhaps because she was so focused.

“That's why I don’t think I can lock parts of myself away any more. At what point would I open up again. If I wait for salvation in the future and do nothing now… aren't I moving further from my goal? Better to act, here and now and do what I can with what I have.”

“It’s not easy, especially when I consider that I may hurt others by my actions… it can become especially difficult. On top of that, a lot of evil has been done in the name of good, so the actions always have to be considered.” Her energy dwindled.

HP:100%    MP:100%

Skill used:
Word Count: 500
Tagged: parasole
Notes: Eckhart Tolle: The power of now.

[parasole]

Rook

Wc: 259
Notes: Sry for the bad post

Two Bodies, One Mind

Hp: 100 Mp:100

As odd as it was, it was calming to hear the enchanter speak with such knowledge and facts. She didn't really say anything that the gender trapped adventurer didn't already know, but it was the way in which she spoke and that was comforting to him to know that he wasn't the only one who thought that way or worried about these types of things.

However it made sense to live in the present rather than try to remember the painful past and wish for the future that was so uncertain. No better to live in the present and try his hardest to make the future he wanted to happen. Of course he wanted to return home and if that wasn't possible, it would be nice to just return to his own gender and not the one he was currently trapped within.

"I don't know, I find myself drawn to people too easily and people to me." The male trapped in the female began. "I can't help it and I'm not being arrogant about it, its just true." He gave a shrug. "I think if I don't lock parts of me away until I'm back in the gender I belong in, I think I'd trap people." He paused. "Because in a way, that is what we are, or at least to some anyway."

He paused again and played with his food. "I think it will be best for me anyway to just lock up certain parts so that I don't end up hurting other people and in return myself."

Where Do I Belong?

❖ NOX ❖

[Rook]

Rook nodded, perhaps a little sadly.
“I wish I had your resolve.” Rook continued to sip at her dwindling tea.
“If my heart told me too, I don’t think I would hold back… but my heart has been in a storm of confusion since I arrived.”

“I want that happiness so badly. That sense of being together. Of being connected.”

“With that said, I didn’t even know when I had it, so I may be chasing a phantom ideal. The idea of comfort made more vibrant by the lack of normal comforts in this world.”

“I do believe you’re right though. It’s better, and safer to lock that part away…” She finished the pastry and idly wondered if adventurers could put on weight.
“Perhaps my necessity, people are shallow. We see the outside first, and rarely get to meet the person within. We aren't biologically designed to properly comprehend the situation in which we find ourselves. It is only through quiet contemplation that the biological feelings can be sorted out.”

Rook sighed.

“Unfortunately, it is a skill that most people do not value. Their fast mind feels revulsion. Their slow mind thinks up the words to justify it and that’s where it ends.”

“Maybe if we could all walk a mile in another shoes things may be different. Perhaps that’s the silver lining to this situation at least. Even if I get back, I will not be the same person I was. If only slightly, the experience has developed me.”

---

Word Count: 250
Tagged: parasole

[parasole]

Rook

Wc: 695
Notes: 

Two Bodies, One Mind

Hp: 100 Mp:100

"It isn't so much as a resolve but being honest with myself." He responded mid sip of his drink, shaking his head to emphasis his point. "No matter what, this body is an illusion of my gender." He paused and took another sip. "Even if I was honest with the other person, I'm still not whole myself. Even they understood and accepting, I don't think I could still get involved with something like that. I mean what if I got my original body back and they couldn't accept me then?" He paused and gave a frown. "That would be far worse than having them reject this body."

Setting his cup down, he mulled over Rook's words. Happiness was a decent thing to want. Everyone deserved it, especially the sense of being together, of being connected. But until they found someone who knew and understood who they were and still wished to stand by them, they would need to tread very carefully, in fact Parasole had been aiming to not tread that topic at all until he had found a way to return to his original gender.

His attention shifted as Rook changed the topic a little. "That is a scary thought." His gaze returned to the table between them. It was true that he certainly would understand the struggles of the opposite gender and he had a deeper respect for all individuals who had realized that they were transgender. Waking up every day in a body that you simply didn't feel was yours, must have been a hard thing to experience, especially since back in the old world, it couldn't be explained as simply choosing the wrong gender, it was something that they had been born as, something that nature had made mistake with and people seemed to judge them for it.

They hadn't asked for it either, they hadn't invited the world to assign them the wrong gender. Just like Rook and Parasole hadn't asked for it, they hadn't invited this new world to trapped them, they didn't say yes to trading the old world, they were forced, by things beyond their control and now they struggled to regain control. They were outsiders even from within their own bodies and it was natural to feel angry at that.

Parasole knew that it wasn't intentional. It hadn't just been himself and Rook. Everyone had been trapped, children, men and woman, each one didn't ask for it, each one traded their previous lives for this unreasonable and strange one and yet they were expected to move forward without knowing why. It seemed that Parasole and Rook and other people like them, simply had one more struggle than everyone else, but that didn't belittle the struggle of everyone else, however if there was something they could do to relieve that struggle, surely they had to try right?

"Do you think..." The summoner began however he stopped before raising his gaze to match Rook's. "I know I've said how much I want to return to my own gender. But do you think we should lock ourselves up?" His gaze didn't waiver at all. "Maybe we should accept this new identity, accept our new gender. No one asked to come here, no one asked for any of this and yet everyone is trying the best they can." He paused only to take a breath. "Maybe we should too, maybe by accepting our new gender and identities we can slowly come to terms with this world and enjoy it as everyone else seems to be. I didn't ask for this, I want to return to being male, but at the moment that doesn't seem to be an option. And while I can search and search, there is no definite answer that changing my form would be possible. Maybe it is best to accept who we are, accept that we are female and pretend as if we always have been, get jobs, boyfriends, build a life for ourselves and if on that path we find a way to change back, we make that decision then?" He took a deep breath once he finished. "Which is better?" He gave a defeated sigh.

Where Do I Belong?

❖ NOX ❖